By Robert Urban, FSBO Seller, Veteran of 47 Text Threads That Went Nowhere, and Emotional Support Coffee Drinker
You skipped the Realtor. Bold move. Now it’s just you, a listing, and the kind of grit usually reserved for people who assemble IKEA furniture without crying.
You’ve made it through pricing, listing, showings, and now you’re standing at the gates of the final boss level: negotiations.
This is where things get spicy.
It’s no longer about granite countertops and square footage — it’s about nerves, leverage, and not flinching when someone lowballs you like they’re on Pawn Stars.
Here’s your guide to walking into negotiations like a calm, charming psycho who’s already Googled everyone involved and practiced their smile in the mirror.
1. Stay Calm. Emotion Is the Enemy.
The first offer rolls in and it’s $40,000 under asking with a note that says:
“We love your home, but it needs updating.”
Translation: “We want a deal, and we’re hoping you’re desperate.”
Your job is not to scream, cry, or email them back a photo of your middle finger.
Your job is to stay cool, even if you’re hot enough to grill a cheese sandwich on your forehead.
Remember: This is a negotiation. Not a personal attack.
(Besides, their taste in paint colors is probably garbage anyway.)
2. Don’t Show Your Hand Too Soon
You’re in charge here. Don’t act like someone selling beanie babies on Facebook Marketplace at 2 a.m.
If they ask, “What’s your bottom line?” don’t answer.
If they say, “We’re looking at other properties,” say, “That’s great, so are we.”
Confidence sells. Desperation smells.
Let them talk first. Then take a minute (or a day) to respond.
This isn’t speed dating. This is the biggest transaction of your life.
3. Know Your Non-Negotiables (and Your Maybes)
Before you even get into it, make a list:
- Must-haves: Price floor, closing timeline, who pays what.
- Flexibles: Washer/dryer? Maybe. That weird vintage lamp you hate? Definitely.
- Absolutely nots: “Buyer requests you replace the roof, HVAC, and moral compass.”
Having boundaries makes you strong.
Having flexible boundaries makes you smart.
4. Lowball Offers Aren’t Insults — They’re Invitations
Think of a low offer like a bad first draft.
It’s not “no,” it’s “lol, try again.”
You can:
- Counter at full asking
- Meet them halfway
- Throw in something petty but satisfying like “Sure, I’ll drop the price if you agree to mow the lawn until closing.”
The point is — don’t just walk away.
Negotiate. Dance a little. Make them work for it. Almost everyone throws a lowball just to see if they can get a hit.
5. Inspect the Buyer’s Offer for Weirdness
Some buyers (or their agents) will slide in terms that are sneakier than a racoon on trash day.
Watch for:
- Long inspection windows
- Contingencies stacked like Jenga blocks
- “Seller to pay closing costs, title insurance, therapy for buyer’s cat, etc.”
Read the fine print. Read it again. Then make your cousin who watches Judge Judy read it for good measure.
6. Be the Adult in the Room
Buyers will sometimes try power moves — urgency, threats, charm, or guilt.
They’ll say:
- “This is our final offer.”
- “We have another house we love.”
- “Our toddler picked your house. Don’t break her heart.”
Your answer:
- “I understand. Let me know what you decide.”
- “Thanks for the offer. We’ll review and get back to you.”
- “Tell your toddler I said good luck in this market.”
Calm beats clever. Every time.
7. Use a Clean, Professional Contract
Here’s where a lot of FSBO sellers trip:
They get to “let’s do it!” and suddenly they’re trying to draft a legally binding agreement on a napkin with a Bic pen.
Don’t do that.
If you are looking for an easier way, HOYONOW.com offers a solid As-Is Purchase and Sale Agreement template — built for real humans, not just attorneys with six surnames and hourly rates that require a payment plan.
- It’s clean.
- It’s fair.
- It’s built with the understanding that you’re not a lawyer, just a very brave homeowner with decent Wi-Fi.
BUT — and this is the beauty of it — you’ve got leeway.
You can adjust the terms, add conditions, remove clauses, or attach a note that says “Buyer must not comment on seller’s wallpaper at any point.”
You’re still in control — we’re just giving you the parachute so you don’t have to stitch one together mid-fall.
Negotiation Isn’t War — It’s Ping Pong
You don’t have to win every point.
You just have to keep the ball moving, stay smart, and know when to smash and when to lob.
Selling FSBO means you’ve already done the bold part.
Now you just need to stick the landing — with clarity, confidence, and a contract that doesn’t look like it was written by your uncle in crayon.
And if you need a template that doesn’t suck?
Check out HOYONOW.com — where selling your home yourself doesn’t mean doing it alone.
I am rooting for you,
Robert Urban